The 7 Lies We All Tell
by Melissa Chapman
at University of Essex 01st May 2013 09:03:49
We’re all guilty of saying things which aren’t true. They’re not lies, they’re not even white lies. I’m not sure what they are and that’s the point. We all turn a blind eye.
Turning a blind eye is an example of what I mean here. How do you turn an eye? I mean, I spent my high school years perfecting the art of crossing my eyes – but turning one? No idea.
1. COST ME AN ARM AND A LEG.
Cost an arm and a leg
Did it? Did it really? Did you actually pay with arms and legs? You find me a shop that’ll take payment of bodily parts and I’ll have a pile of Barbie torsos here along with a brand new iPod, MacBook and car. Also, who decides the value of said arms and legs? Are some worth more than others? I’ve got a scar on one of my arms, does that take down my value?
2. PULL THE WOOL OVER MY EYES.
Are we talking cotton wool? And you’re pulling this? As a woman who has worn nail polish for many years, I know the limits of wool and its stretchability. If you’re going to cover my eyes, there are many more materials which would prove to be much more useful.
3. A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.
If I had a penny for my thoughts for every time someone told me they’d give me a penny for my thoughts, I’d have… a lot of pennies. And well, those pounds, they’d just look after themselves!
4. I’M NOT BEING FUNNY BUT…
I’m yet to hear someone who starts a conversation with this phrase actually follow with anything REMOTELY funny. ‘I’m not being funny but…your hair looks awful today.’ Why did you need to establish you weren’t being funny? Did you think there was some risk I’d be amused by that?
5. PIECE OF CAKE.
‘That exam was a piece of cake!’ WAS IT? Well, if we all knew that, we wouldn’t have spent last night in a sweaty, sleepless state worrying about it. (Unless we’re Mary Berry; that woman takes cake seriously.) Anyway, even if you’re saying it’s easy, when did ‘easy’ become cake? That girl so easy, she’s a Victoria Sponge!
6. LET THE CAT OUT THE BAG.
Why did you have a cat in a bag in the first place? I could genuinely call the RSPCA about that. Did you not see it on the news about the woman who put the cat in the bin and the uproar it caused? Us Brits take mistreating our felines seriously.
7. HIT THE BOOKS.
A simple one. I advise all students studying for exams to refrain from hitting books. Firstly, the crazy lady in the Library (Every Library has one) will not be amused and secondly, I feel your studies will be benefited by reading said books. Or just look at the pictures…