10 things you should NEVER do on a first date

1. Turn up late

10 minutes is understandable. 15 minutes is annoying but acceptable. Anything over 20 minutes is criminal. A first date is all about setting a good impression, being that late just tells your date that you’re tardy, disorganised and probably not all that interested.

(Exceptions will be made if you’re in a car accident, are hospitalised or you got caught up in a robbery when you nipped into the shop to buy some flowers).


2. Get too pissed

There are plenty of occasions for getting wasted but this is not one. Even if alcohol makes you feel sexier, it very rarely makes you look sexier to anyone else. So, unless you’re planning on spending the night getting off with yourself, limit yourself to ‘sociably merry’.


3. Talk about exes

Nothing says ‘I’m not over it’ like an hour-long conversation about why your ex is such an asshole. You probably don’t want to hear about their ex either.

Drake knows.

Drake knows.

4. Order something too smelly

Smell is one of the most powerful senses in terms of sexual allure and attraction (I’m not sure if this is a fact but it’s definitely my opinion which is the closest I’ve got to fact). There’s no bigger turn off than going in for that goodbye “Let’s test if there is any chemistry” kiss and being greeted with the stench of oniony, garlicy disaster.


5. Create elaborate lies to sell yourself

We all wish we’d done cooler things, achieved more, travelled more etc. It’s easy to get caught up trying to impress your date when you’re both switching stories “Oh, you travelled to Rome in your gap year? Well I met the Pope and we went cruising in Mexico in his popemobile.” If anything serious is ever going to come of the date, eventually they’ll find out the truth, so just be you. (Unless, of course, you and the Pope did go cruising, in which case, respect.)


6. Go on your phone

There’s nothing ruder than someone using his or her phone over dinner. It’s bad enough if you’re just at a meal with friends but on a first date it sends out ALL the wrong signals. ‘I’m bored’, ‘I’m texting other men/women’, ‘I’m looking up train times and planning my escape ASAP’.


7. Be a snob

I don’t recommend being a snob at any given time but I especially discourage it on a first date. Chances are you don’t know this person or their background all too well, so if you start laughing about people who shop at Aldi or pay for stuff with discount vouchers, be prepared to look like a massive knob and potentially offend your date.

p.s. Whoever complains about Aldi hasn’t tasted their cheap wine.


8. Complain

In a list of things that are sexy, I’m pretty sure complaining is absent. Be that complaining about your waiter/waitress or generally complaining about your life. Misery is contagious and your date doesn’t want to catch it.


9. Dress like you accidentally fell into your outfit

At least look as though you’ve made an effort or put any thought into it, turning up in scruffy trainers or a top with a spaghetti stain on it probably isn’t going to do much for your appeal.


10. Grill your date

Unless you’re date is a romantic BBQ on the beach, leave the grill at home. Questions are fine in getting to know one another but this is a date, not an interview.


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